cantabrigian tales

I'm an incredibly picky eater.

I've always been an incredibly picky eater which, considering the family I grew up in, is completely crazy. I won't eat meat, I won't eat fish, I won't eat dairy or eggs unless they are hidden in a baked product of some kind, and I'm not even particularly morally indignant about these things.

They're just gross.

I was explaining this recently to M., who was actually somewhat concerned because the foods that I won't eat are packed with protein. I'm not entirely sure how he believes that vegans survive, but okay. The problem, really, is that there aren't a whole lot of foods outside the realm of animal that contain complete proteins, i.e., all of the essential amino acids in a helpful amount. Pretty much it's like, soy. Or well, there are a couple of other sources, too, but nobody ever eats them.

The point is, I don't eat a lot of things that are good for me and today we are going to focus on milk.

Milk bothers me. The word "milk" bothers me. The whiteness and opacity of milk freaks me out. The place that it comes from grosses me out. Today the New York Times gave me a whole new reason to dislike milk, and it wasn't even in a particularly milk-related article.

Apparently Muscle Milk, a nutritional supplement that promises to turn you into a lean, mean, something or other that is apparently lousy with muscles, is suing everybody and their mom who decides to name a product (whether it is or is not related) something with the word "milk" in it. I'm not sure how they keep getting away with that, given the fact that nobody is complaining about Life Water, Smart/Vitamin Water, O Water, etc… I mean, how is it possible to own the word "milk" any more than it is to own the word "water"?

Anyway, according to this article, Muscle Milk isn't really milk at all, it's not even dairy. Muscle Milk is supposed to reflect all of the nutrients in breast milk, which is a whole 'nother kettle of fish, but in any case. In any case! Milk, as defined by the FDA, is apparently "the lacteal secretions of a cow."

How is that appetizing at all? That's disgusting. That's so gross. There's more to it, obviously, and milk isn't just lacteal secretions of cows, but yikes. I don't want to hear about lacteal secretions, never mind put them in my mouth.

In conclusion, Jacoby Ellsbury is hot.